


Quiz Me

by soul_writerr



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: 5+1 Things, Crack Treated Seriously, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Getting Together, Humor, M/M, Online Quizzes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:54:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28861383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_writerr/pseuds/soul_writerr
Summary: The first link Rafael quickly opened so happened to be a quiz. More specifically, love quizzes. But he couldn’t close it now that Rita had walked into his office or it’d look like he was making time for her. So Rafael had no other option but to take the damn quiz.We know where you’ll meet your soulmate, the title said, and Rafael rolled his eyes.Or 5 Times an Online Quiz Told Rafael Who His Soulmate Was + 1 Time He Figured It Out For Himself
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 32
Kudos: 113





	Quiz Me

**Author's Note:**

> All the quizzes mentioned in this story actually exist and I took them all for ~research~ and I gotta say that these online quizzes in general are all so damn heteronormative and sexist ?? I never realized that until I was trying to answer them as Rafael would lol so that's my tidbit for today 
> 
> This turned out very cracky and I'm not even surprised! I blame Chey and Soph for this! Enjoy :*

**1 - Can We Guess Where You’ll Meet the Love of Your Life?**

It had all started because of Rita fucking Calhoun. She’d been harassing him for a good week, calling and texting him at all hours of the day to pester him about a goddamn deal he had no intention of taking. He was starting to have nightmares about it, jolting awake in the middle of the night, thinking he heard his phone ringing even though he had turned it off. 

So when Carmen buzzed his office to tell him Rita Calhoun was on her way up and no one had managed to stop her, Rafael quickly turned his computer on and scrambled for something that would make him look busy. 

His files were taking too long to load, so Rafael quickly pulled up his browser and typed in  _ romance _ . He was hoping to find a romance novel PDF so he could open it and make it look like he was reading something important, but he barely had enough time to read the first link before the door slammed open and Calhoun came barreling in.

“Barba,” she greeted with a clipped tone. Rita wasn’t usually so insistent when it came to deals, so Rafael could only guess this particular client was keeping her up at night the same way she was giving him  _ indigestion _ . 

The first link Rafael quickly opened so happened to be a  _ quiz _ . More specifically,  _ love quizzes _ . But he couldn’t close it now that Rita had walked into his office or it’d look like he was making time for her. So Rafael had no other option but to take the damn quiz.

_ We know where you’ll meet your soulmate _ , the title said, and Rafael rolled his eyes. He shot Rita a side glance, and started choosing between the extremely garish pictures. 

“I’m busy,” he said, clicking loudly with his mouse on what his ideal romantic evening would be.

“This won’t take long if you’d stop being so stubborn and accepted that my deal is the best you could do for this case,” she started, then continued listing all the ways she was right.

Rafael did not listen. She’d made the same speech two days ago, and he had not changed his mind. It also didn’t help her that the DA was pushing for it to go to trial, so there was no way he would take a deal.

But he let Rita talk until her voice went a little hoarse at the end, and continued taking this stupid quiz, which had the most asinine questions he’d ever seen. Rafael doubted this could possibly give him a sensical answer, but now he was invested. 

He was honest with his answers, taking a moment to reflect on the options before selecting one. 

Rita eventually huffed, throwing her hair over her shoulder. “Fine,” she said. “Don’t listen to me, then. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As Rafael clicked “check results”, Rita turned on her heels and left. He smiled, triumphant. His strategy of looking busy had worked. 

When the quiz’s result popped on the screen, however, Rafael groaned out loud. 

_ You’ll meet the love of your life at work! The love of your life will show up when you’re on the job and least expecting it. It might complicate the office dynamic, but finding your one true love is even better than a bonus. _

Rafael closed the tab with another loud click, muttering under his breath about absurd quizzes and people with too much time on their hands. All the while, he ignored the nagging voice at the back at his mind that told him how plausible that result was. 

And when thoughts of blue eyes and dimples jumped to the forefront of his mind, he shook himself off. It was nothing but a lapse of concentration. 

**2 - Plan Wedding To Reveal First Letter Of Soulmate's Name**

Rita was back the next day, and this time Rafael had left a tab open with another quiz ready to go. It was the quickest route to show his disdain when she walked into his office again, waving a motion to dismiss like it meant something. 

“I haven’t filed this motion yet,” Rita said, and Rafael had to admire the way she stood there with her pride still intact. “And I’ll give you two hours to reconsider my offer before I deliver this to a judge who owes me a couple favors.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow at her. “Calling in favors? You really are desperate,” he said, then turned to his computer. 

This quiz was wedding themed and the pictures he had to choose from were, quite frankly, tragic, but he tried to focus on the lesser of all evils while Rita rambled on. 

He had to choose a suit first, and was distressed at only being able to choose one. He wasn’t sure whether to choose one for himself or one for his potential partner. He liked the pattern on the third option, and the model was also wearing a pocket square. Although Rafael would have preferred a different color, the general aesthetic seemed fitting.

But another model was wearing a gorgeous waistcoat that cinched his waist beautifully and Rafael could picture a certain someone wearing it. It would compliment his lithe figure, the enviable curve of his waist and the broadness of his shoulders. 

Rafael settled for choosing a suit for himself, but the picture of blue eyes and dimples was back, except this time he didn’t shoo it away. In fact, it was a welcome distraction to Rita’s colorful choice of language.

“What do they have on you?,” Rafael asked mindlessly, never taking his eyes away from the computer screen. He had to choose a wedding venue next, and although he was very much lapsed, he wouldn’t completely object to a church wedding if it was important to someone else.

“This has nothing to do with me,” Rita snarled. “My client doesn’t want to take this to trial and it’s my job to get him a suitable deal.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “It’s not happening.”

Rita shook her head at him, steam practically coming out of her ears, then finally left. And, this time, Rafael’s quiz result actually made him gasp.

_ You got: D, S or C. These are your soulmate’s initials! _

He quickly closed the tab and stared at the blank screen. Now  _ that  _ was freaky. 

**3 - This Terrifyingly Accurate Quiz Knows What Your Soulmate Looks Like**

The next time Rafael had to resort to his quiz tactics was because a group of newly hired junior ADAs would simply not leave him alone. They kept coming in and out of his office, interested in hearing his thoughts about every single case they got. 

Apparently their class at Fordham had heard a lot about him and they were curious about the man behind the legend, as they’d put it. 

Rafael indulged them the first couple times, after all, he was human, and all humans had a little bit of ego they’d like to stroke. But the three young attorneys had made an habit out of it, so he had to look busy every time one of them came in and he’d gently turn them down.

“I’m really sorry, Mr. Campbell,” Rafael said to the young man, looking between him and his screen. This time, the quiz promised to describe his love interest’s physical appearance. “I already told ADA Marks that I’m unavailable this week.”

Campbell nodded respectfully. “I understand, Mr. Barba. Just know we’re always eager to hear from you. Even after hours.”

Rafael forced a smile. That was unlikely, but he didn’t want to be rude. Having junior ADAs at his beck and call might come in hand some other time. 

“I appreciate your curiosity,” he said. “But I really have to get back to work.”

_ Work _ being choosing his prefered dessert. 

“Of course,” Campbell took a step towards the door. “I’ll see you.”

Rafael nodded, concentrating on his screen again. It was a relatively short quiz, and he was done by the time ADA Campbell closed the door behind himself. 

_ You got: 6’, Blue Eyes, Dark Blonde Hair. You’re looking for the perfect picture of the boy next door. Easy on the eyes and with enough charm to sweep you off your feet. _

Well, the hair color Rafael had in mind was more grey than anything else these days. White streaks blended in with whatever was left of the dark blond it once was and the silver shade that had taken over. Even with his young face, the grey worked beautifully. 

And yeah, Rafael liked a tall man, everybody knew that. Not  _ too _ tall, but with a couple inches on him, and 6’ was the perfect height where the other man could tower over him but wouldn’t put a strain on his neck. 

Now  _ blue eyes _ was a generic way of describing it, but Rafael definitely saw the appeal. All in all, it was an accurate description of someone Rafael would find attractive.

He closed the tab and picked up his phone, opening the thread of conversation that had started a few days ago. Rafael’s last text had yet to be read, and he could feel his patience wearing thin. 

**Rafael:** _You owe me a drink._

The text suddenly changed to  _ seen  _ and Rafael locked his phone so he didn’t look like a creep when the reply came in. When it did, his screen lit up, and Rafael could see the notification that read  _ Tonight? _ .

Rafael smiled. 

**4 - What Will Your Soulmate Do For A Living?**

This time, Rafael had no excuse. The quiz had popped up on an AD and before he knew it, Rafael had kicked his feet up and clicked on it. He’d won a case earlier that day, so he thought he had the right to indulge a little. Taking quizzes had become his guilty pleasure, but Rafael refused to feel ashamed. 

The career aspect of potential romantic partners was important to him, of course. He couldn’t see himself with someone without a serious career goal, someone who didn’t strive to be better at what they did. He wondered if this quiz would be able to read that about him.

Rafael had a hard time choosing between the desserts. Sweets were his vice and he couldn’t, in good conscience, safely choose between chocolate cake, churros and ice cream. They each served their purposes, and Rafael wouldn’t say no to any.

He ended up choosing the one he was craving the most at the moment - chocolate cake -, and when his result popped up he sat up so fast he pulled a muscle on his thigh.

“Shit,” he hissed, massaging his leg until the pain subsided. 

_ You got: Police Officer or Lawyer _

It had to be a joke. It had to be one of those artificial intelligence robots who hacked into his computer and stole information about him. It had to be one of those algorithm things that could predict his every thought. There was no way. 

There was a knock on the door, and Rafael closed the tab after staring at it for a couple more seconds. 

“Come in,” he said.

“Hey, Counselor,” Carisi greeted him, thick accent and sweet smile. 

“Detective,” Rafael leaned back into his chair, trying to look casual and not like he’d almost been caught taking online quizzes. Worse than that - online quizzes that described the man that was now standing in his office. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Yeah, I took an early call today and the Cap said I could take the rest of the day off,” he said, stepping further into the room. “I was wondering if you needed any help.” 

Rafael tilted his head at him, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “No other plans?”

“After I passed the bar my evenings have been pretty uneventful,” he shrugged. “So put me to use, Counselor. Wouldn’t want to get rusty, you know.” 

“Well, I was about to order some food, actually,” Rafael grabbed his phone. “You’re welcome to stay, eat and work.” 

Carisi nodded, shrugging off his suit jacket and hanging it behind the door. “Skipped lunch again?” 

Rafael chuckled. “You know me too well, Detective. How about Chinese?”

“Sounds great,” he took a seat on Rafael’s couch. It was such a comfortable, familiar action he couldn’t help but watch him for a moment as he rolled his sleeves up. “I’ll have whatever you’re having, plus a couple spring rolls.” 

He quickly went on Uber Eats and ordered their food, adding too many spring rolls but not minding it. Once the confirmation came through, he pushed away from his desk and went to sit beside Carisi.

Rafael grabbed a few case files, mostly to keep appearances, and dropped them on the coffee table. 

“Speaking of passing the bar,” he started, lounging back onto the couch, “my offer to ask around for the next open spot is still up.”

Carisi ducked his head, twisting his hands together. “I know, and I appreciate that,” he smiled. “I’m not sure I’m ready to make the switch.” 

“You do know you’d make a great lawyer, right?,” Rafael said, firm but calm. “I’d hate for you to waste time simply because of a little self-doubt.”

The back of Carisi’s neck started turning pink, and he scrubbed a hand over it. “Try  _ a lot _ of self-doubt, Counselor.” 

“You were certainly confident enough to pester me about shadowing me and about giving me unsolicited advice,” he joked. 

“Yeah, because it’s you. I knew that if I said something stupid you’d disregard it and teach me a lesson with a jab or two, but if I make the switch, saying something stupid could potentially ruin someone’s life.” 

Rafael shook his head. “You’re overthinking. Carisi, there are systems in place to ensure that lawyers don’t make stupid mistakes that ruin anyone’s life. You have people to answer to, and a judge and a jury to kick you down a peg. I know it looks like you’re all on your own, but I spend most of my day asking permission to make decisions.” 

“Is that your way of saying the DA’s got you on a leash?,” he teased with a cheeky grin.

“Maybe,” Rafael smirked. “But not without my consent. And besides, I’d be here, too. You know, to teach you a lesson.” 

Carisi smiled broadly. “Well, when you put it like that I might consider doing it sooner rather than later.”

“It’d be nice to have an eager junior ADA at my disposal,” Rafael teased.

“Please, Counselor, half the 8th floor worships the ground you walk on,” he said. “A couple people were from my class and every time I see them they have all these stories about working with you.” 

Rafael raised an eyebrow at him. “Wait. You mean Campbell and Marks?”

“Yeah. We took the bar together and everything.” 

“So when they told me they heard a lot about me at Law school, they mean they heard it from  _ you _ ?” 

It was Carisi’s face that went pink this time. “Uh,” he looked away. “I mean, maybe I bragged a little.” 

“I think it was more than  _ a little _ .” 

“Come on, Barba,” he chuckled awkwardly. “You know I’ve always admired you.” 

“You told me you did,” Rafael shrugged. “I guess I didn’t imagine you’d go around telling other people, too.” 

“Well, I have.” 

There was a beat of silence where they looked at each other, both reading between the lines and trying to find meaning in this whole conversation. 

Rafael knew Carisi admired him, he remembered the look on the man’s face when he told him so, but he had no idea he went around  _ gushing _ about him, telling his classmates how  _ great _ he was. And that had to mean something. 

“Carisi,” Rafael started, leaning closer to him. “I know I’ve been pretty hard on you, but I admire you, too. And when you switch over, I think we’ll make a great team.” 

Carisi’s grin was blinding. “Yeah,” he breathed. “Yeah, we will.” 

**5 - Answer 6 Questions And We'll Reveal If Your Crush Likes You Back**

Rafael was waiting for Carisi, and he was now past pretending the quizzes he’d taken hadn’t been with the tall, handsome Detective in mind. There  _ was  _ something about finally admitting it to himself, because once he did, Rafael kept on clicking on more and more links that led him into new websites, and each time he hoped for results that’d fit Carisi.

This one in particular had jumped at him from a recommended list, and Rafael hadn’t even hesitated. Carisi had asked him to dinner tonight, for work, mostly, but he was considering asking the Detective if he’d like to leave work aside for a bit and call it a date. 

It’d been a long time coming, and Rafael doubted the quiz results would make him change his mind, but he was very curious. The other ones had been so accurate, he wanted to check if this one would tell him to go for it or hold on for the next one. 

Rafael remembered the very first quiz he took, all those weeks ago, that had told him he’d meet his soulmate at work, and now this quiz was asking him where he’d met his crush. The fourth option was, predictively, at work.

He paused at the last question.  _ ‘Could you picture yourself with your crush in the long-term? _ ,’ it said. His first instinct was to say absolutely, but he knew there were other things at play. Their jobs, their coworkers, the fact that Rafael was almost ten years older. 

All jokes aside, it was clear as day that Carisi found him attractive, his gorgeous blue eyes following Rafael around the room every single time they were together, but that didn’t immediately translate to wanting to be in a relationship with him, and Rafael had to be realistic about that.

So instead of going with the first answer, he chose the second, which said ‘ _ Honestly? I’m not totally sure, but I want to find out _ .’

_ You got: Yup, they like you a LOT. There's a deep attraction between you and your crush for sure — so now it comes down to who's going to be making that first move! _

Rafael felt giddy at the result, smiling to himself. This had to be a sign. 

And another sign was Carisi walking into his office without even knocking, windswept and smiling and beautiful. 

“Hey,” he greeted. “You good to go? I got the car parked around the corner.”

Rafael closed the browser and turned his computer off. “Yes, but I wanted to ask you something.”

“Sure,” Carisi nodded, eager as ever. 

“Would you consider not working tonight?,” he asked, standing up. 

Carisi smiled, waving his hands around himself. “You see any case files?”

Rafael considered him. “They’re not in the car?”

“Nope,” he said, popping the  _ p _ . “I don’t actually want to work, but I’d still like for you to come to dinner with me.”

“As in a date?”

“Yeah,” Carisi blushed. “As in a date, if you want.”

Rafael rounded his desk and stopped in front of him. “I’d like that very much.”

“Yeah?,” he beamed. 

He nodded. “You know what else I would like?”

Carisi’s eyes had never looked so round. “What?”

“I’d like for you to kiss me,” Rafael said, no hesitation, and a second later Carisi had grabbed him around the waist and pulled him in.

Rafael hummed in contentment when their lips met in an unhurried kiss, molding together and sliding into place. He’d thought about this so often, but his wildest dreams couldn’t have prepared him for the way Sonny touched his face, reverent, in awe. 

“Finally,” Sonny whispered when they parted, and Rafael definitely agreed with that sentiment.

**+1 - What Zoo Animal Are You?**

Sonny had texted Rafael about twenty minutes ago telling him that he was bringing him some lunch, and the ADA’s stomach had flipped and folded into itself for two different reasons. 

One was that he was looking forward to seeing Sonny - their budding relationship was new enough that he still got butterflies whenever he thought of the other man, and the promise of seeing him soon and giving him a kiss or two settled heavily on his chest. 

Secondly, Sonny already knew Rafael too damn well at this point, and he most definitely knew that Rafael hadn’t eaten anything but a muffin all morning, so his stomach rumbling was a natural reaction to Sonny’s offer of bringing him food.

So as he waited, partially to distract his protesting stomach, Rafael pulled up a new quiz. 

Lately he’d found no other romance quizzes he liked. Most of them were about finding love, meeting someone new, testing one’s prospects, and Rafael’s was doing good in that department, thank you very much. He had a gorgeous man who cared about him, and the quizzes were no longer necessary.

Instead, he found joy in meaningless, nonsensical ‘ _ what animal are you?’  _ tests.

“Hey, Counselor!,” Sonny greeted, a wide smile. He had two bags, which he set on Rafael’s coffee table before walking up to him.

Sonny dipped down to kiss him hello, and Rafael held him by the tie for a moment, relishing the contact. When they parted, the Detective looked at his computer. “Which one is this?”

“Which Zoo animal I am,” Rafael said. 

“Nice,” Sonny said, kneeling beside him to look at the options. “But that’s obvious, though. You’re a koala.”

“ _ What _ ?,” he bristled. “No, I am not a koala. I’m a horse.”

Sonny frowned. “Why would you want to be a  _ horse _ ?”

“Because they’re powerful, majestic, and they don’t tolerate any bullshit.”

“Okay, but you do realize they don’t keep horses in Zoos, right?”

“Whatever,” Rafael scoffed. “I’m a tiger, then.”

Sonny’s answering smirk was filthy, and he leaned in to nose along Rafael’s jaw, pressing a kiss to his neck. “That you are, tiger,”

“Stop,” he said lightly, making no effort to move away from Sonny. “You’re a menace. I’m trying to take a quiz.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Sonny pulled back. “Continue.”

Sonny agreed with all of his answers, nodding along as he scrolled down and selected them. Rafael was a pro at taking quizzes by now, and he hardly ever hesitated. 

When the result came through, Sonny laughed out loud and Rafael groaned, scowling.

_ You got: Koala bear! _

“The algorithm clearly heard you,” Rafael grumbled. 

“Nah, you are a koala through and through, and I’ve got proof,” he said with a lopsided smile. 

“You do  _ not  _ have proof,” Rafael argued. 

Sonny stood up, pulling Rafael up as well. He turned him so Rafael was leaning against his desk, Sonny’s hands firmly on his hips. 

“I think it’s cute that you’re a koala,” Sonny said against his lips, crowding him. 

Rafael scoffed. “You jinxed the quiz, I’ll have to take it again.”

“Okay,” he nodded. “You can do that after lunch. I brought lasagna.”

“Your recipe?”

Sonny beamed. “Of course.”

Rafael let out a content exclamation, reaching up to pull Sonny the rest of the way down to kiss him. His lips were as soft as ever, and they fell into their preferred positions. Rafael sat back on the desk and Sonny towered over him, making Rafael grab him around the shoulders to keep his balance and not break the kiss.

Sonny tilted his head and licked into his mouth, deep but slow, pressing their chest together while simultaneously pushing Rafael back onto the desk. Rafael held on to him so he wouldn’t fall back, legs wrapped around Sonny’s hips as their kiss deepened. Sonny had him pinned, and it thrilled him.

When they parted, they were both panting, but Sonny’s dazed expression quickly turned into a cheeky grin.

“See?,” he gasped, breathing a little hard. “A koala.”

He had a point there. Rafael was wrapped around him like a koala would hold onto a tree, and he thought he should be annoyed, but instead, he laughed at the absurdity of it all.

“That makes you my tree trunk,” Rafael teased, tightening his legs around him.

Sonny pulled a face. “That’s not very flattering.”

“Well, it’s your own fault,” he smirked, then pulled Sonny away and stepped off the desk. “Come on, I’m starving.”

Instead of joining him on the couch, Sonny sat down on Rafael’s chair and reloaded the quiz. 

Rafael chuckled. “It’s going to say giraffe.”

“I am not a giraffe, Rafael,” his brow furrowed. “That’s insulting.”

“Okay,” Rafael shrugged, opening the bag and pulling out the two tupperwares Sonny had brought. When he opened one, it was still steaming hot, and Rafael’s mouth watered at the delicious smell.

He ate in happy silence as Sonny took the quiz, and when the Detective cursed under his breath, turned the screen off and pushed away from the desk, Rafael lifted an eyebrow at him.

“So?,” he asked.

Sonny fell beside him on the couch with a huff. “The algorithm heard you.”

Rafael threw his head back and laughed. A koala and a giraffe. What a pair.

**Author's Note:**

> Koala and giraffe are what? The superior pairing, I agree! Let me know what you think of this one!!   
>  Don't forget to leave a lil kudo pleaseee


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